Manners when it comes to Online Dating

So this one woman from e-harmony, we have gotten to the point where we are emailing each other.   I noticed in her email, I suddenly knew her last name, I was curious and I punched her name into facebook and her account came up.   This is where I found out that she is “friends” with one of my cousins who lives out in Nova Scotia.   So from a manners standpoint, should I mention that I looked her up?   Or maybe I should stay quiet about it because she might consider it weird that I looked her up on facebook?


7 Responses to “Manners when it comes to Online Dating”

  1. whatigotsofar Says:


  2. whatigotsofar Says:

    Let me elaborate. Although it is prudent to do research on people you meet online and it should be assumed that you have googled her name and what not. Do not mention that you have. Prudent, wise, expected; all irrelevant. Doing so can be perceived as pervy and stalkery behaviour.

    If what I just wrote makes no sense, remember the following: women don’t make sense either.

  3. Bob Says:

    What you are saying makes complete sense, it is exactly what I was thinking and why I wrote this blog. The way I was looking at it, I figured at this point that researching people online is almost EXPECTED behaviour at this point which is why I wondered if at this point if it is acceptable yet.

  4. Bob Says:

    Okay, how about I turn it around. Should I contact my cousin and ask her about her “friend”?

    I keep putting “friend” in quotation marks because we know that sometimes you feel you need to “friend” someone to be polite when it comes to facebook.

  5. whatigotsofar Says:

    Brilliant idea!!! Excelsior!!! Why didn’t I think of that? Exactly, ask your cousin how well they know this person. That may be the smartest idea you’ve ever had.

  6. DarcsFalcon Says:

    I don’t think you should tell her you know this information about her just yet. It might give a stalkery kind of impression – even though it’s not, not really, it’s just homework. She’s probably looked you up too. I did the same thing when I was dating back in the 90’s after my divorce. You just can’t be too careful anymore.

    Asking your cousin might not be a bad idea. At least it might give you a 3rd party perspective, depending on how well your cousin knows her.

  7. DarcKnyt Says:

    Yeah, gotta toss my hat in the “keep it to yourself for now” ring. If you guys hit it off you and start dating heavily or something, then find a way to tell her. Until then, don’t share it. Like others are saying, it has that pervy, stalkery sort of feel to it, even though it’s perfectly reasonable and she WAS careless enough (or didn’t care) to let you get her last name.

    I would ask your cousin what she knows. You never know what might be revealed.

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